Make It Stop-Chapter 3-When memories weep
Day 3
A new day, a new dawn as they say but lately, I wish I didn´t wake up at all. Not in this house anyways. Seems like God has not answered my prayers at all. If anything,seems like something else has, and not in a good way.
It started once again as a normal day,Henry is back at work,kissed me this morning and told me to take care. I should not stress,because stress is what it´s all about, yeah right. I still had boxes to deal with after moving and after making my bed,I made my way downstairs for breakfast. My heart was pounding,beating so hard,I was just waiting. I was ready this time,I knew it´s coming,question is,how and when. Blood,knocks or something new and exciting?I was terrified to find out.I had my breakfast,did some morning chores and to my surprise nothing was happening. Nothing at all. What was different about today?Why stop now?Was I really going insane all this time?Stress and it was just me?I sat down to write. It was my escape. Whenever I had some free time I would write,about the past,feelings and emotions. It´s my therapy. My escape.Sometimes I would write fiction but I was never taking myself seriously as a writer. Then,while I was lost in thought I saw it,it has begun. This time, later than the previous days but oh,the punch was just as strong. I noticed the photo on my table,the picture of me and Henry on the trip to Venice,we were crying,tears of tar. I was petrified and confused to say the least. Our faces were quickly covered in black,it just kept leaking from where the eyes should be. We were crying tears of tar. I Jumped off the chair,I was paralysed,in shock. It was back,just as bad and it was our pictures this time, it was us.Somehow it felt more personal. I turned around to make my way to the bathroom and all I could think about was trying to scrub it off,make it stop and then I saw it.
I saw it,all the pictures in the room,on the night stand,desk,walls,they were all crying tar. Black tar,slowly dripping down and being collected by the picture frame ,gathering up and rising inside the frame, bursting. I felt sick,confused,hopeless and terrified. I ran for the bathroom but not for the rag or sponge,but to be sick. It snapped inside me,I snapped. The nerves,the stress,the horror,I couldn´t hold it no more. After a little while I collected myself,cloth in hand, I made my way downstairs and then I realised,it´s everywhere,all the pictures,all the photos in the house,on all of the walls.It´s all the same. I left the house. I don´t know what to do,I don´t know how to stop it,I just want it to end. I ran out,closed the door,locked it and got in the car. I just drove. Drove as far as I could,I just couldn´t think.I made my way to the motel. I can´t stay in that house no more,it´s not a home no more,it´s a cell and I am being tortured and punished. I don´t know why but something is doing it and it´s hitting me hard. Henry,the person who supposed to be there for me through thick and thin,he thinks I´m stressed. Right.I am in a motel and I am not going back. It´s getting dark,he should be heading home by now,I will wait for him to call me and then he can join me in this dirty old motel. Very outdated,very seventies,very shady but this is heaven after what I have been through, my escape from my own home. He is calling.
Something snapped in me. I am not answering. I am terrified. Not of Henry,I am terrified he is going to say it´s OK and there is nothing there. I am terrified he is going to say it´s all in my head and I am just stressed. Then,I am terrified he sees it all and it is all true. I just don´t want to know. I am numb. I am shutting down and I do not want to know anything.I just want it to stop,go away,leave me alone.Just make it stop.
A new day, a new dawn as they say but lately, I wish I didn´t wake up at all. Not in this house anyways. Seems like God has not answered my prayers at all. If anything,seems like something else has, and not in a good way.
It started once again as a normal day,Henry is back at work,kissed me this morning and told me to take care. I should not stress,because stress is what it´s all about, yeah right. I still had boxes to deal with after moving and after making my bed,I made my way downstairs for breakfast. My heart was pounding,beating so hard,I was just waiting. I was ready this time,I knew it´s coming,question is,how and when. Blood,knocks or something new and exciting?I was terrified to find out.I had my breakfast,did some morning chores and to my surprise nothing was happening. Nothing at all. What was different about today?Why stop now?Was I really going insane all this time?Stress and it was just me?I sat down to write. It was my escape. Whenever I had some free time I would write,about the past,feelings and emotions. It´s my therapy. My escape.Sometimes I would write fiction but I was never taking myself seriously as a writer. Then,while I was lost in thought I saw it,it has begun. This time, later than the previous days but oh,the punch was just as strong. I noticed the photo on my table,the picture of me and Henry on the trip to Venice,we were crying,tears of tar. I was petrified and confused to say the least. Our faces were quickly covered in black,it just kept leaking from where the eyes should be. We were crying tears of tar. I Jumped off the chair,I was paralysed,in shock. It was back,just as bad and it was our pictures this time, it was us.Somehow it felt more personal. I turned around to make my way to the bathroom and all I could think about was trying to scrub it off,make it stop and then I saw it.
I saw it,all the pictures in the room,on the night stand,desk,walls,they were all crying tar. Black tar,slowly dripping down and being collected by the picture frame ,gathering up and rising inside the frame, bursting. I felt sick,confused,hopeless and terrified. I ran for the bathroom but not for the rag or sponge,but to be sick. It snapped inside me,I snapped. The nerves,the stress,the horror,I couldn´t hold it no more. After a little while I collected myself,cloth in hand, I made my way downstairs and then I realised,it´s everywhere,all the pictures,all the photos in the house,on all of the walls.It´s all the same. I left the house. I don´t know what to do,I don´t know how to stop it,I just want it to end. I ran out,closed the door,locked it and got in the car. I just drove. Drove as far as I could,I just couldn´t think.I made my way to the motel. I can´t stay in that house no more,it´s not a home no more,it´s a cell and I am being tortured and punished. I don´t know why but something is doing it and it´s hitting me hard. Henry,the person who supposed to be there for me through thick and thin,he thinks I´m stressed. Right.I am in a motel and I am not going back. It´s getting dark,he should be heading home by now,I will wait for him to call me and then he can join me in this dirty old motel. Very outdated,very seventies,very shady but this is heaven after what I have been through, my escape from my own home. He is calling.
Something snapped in me. I am not answering. I am terrified. Not of Henry,I am terrified he is going to say it´s OK and there is nothing there. I am terrified he is going to say it´s all in my head and I am just stressed. Then,I am terrified he sees it all and it is all true. I just don´t want to know. I am numb. I am shutting down and I do not want to know anything.I just want it to stop,go away,leave me alone.Just make it stop.
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