I am the sun

     I am the sun. When I walk in the room,all eyes on me,its quiet,stillness.I am everything. I can feel the warmth around me.Eminating,pulsing,bursting. I can feel the glow,I can see the glow. The glow on people’s faces reflecting back at me,the warmth they feel and the comfort they get from seeing me,being around me. I give life. I give life to the room,the light,the warmth and all eyes are on me.They know,they see it and feel it and they always want more,always.Hungry,begging,pulling and tugging. People are jealous.All the girls want what I have,want to be me.All the boys want me. I know,I see,I notice.The minute,the hour of pleasure is feels good but the high wears off and I only want more.

   The old me would have loved it,embracing and inhaling every moment of this, but now,now all I care is this feeling. I do not care about belonging,people want to belong to me.It’s everything. I am the life itself. Everyone wants me,everyone wants to be me.I am,the sun on the darkest day.
   I am his brightest and only star in the darkest sky of his life. I am his diamond among the dirt.His precious everything. I am his precious everything. That is what my father used to say. He knew what he had,he cherished me and loved me like no other. With that,he always used to say: “ You are a one of a kind girl Emma,but when you are one of a kind,everyone wants you.” I always saw this as a warning,to be careful,hold back,not say or think too much and look after myself. But now,as years have gone by and I am more comfortable with who I am,now that I saw it,now that I know it..I have come to realise,there is a great power in those words.

 
   Looking back on the years past,I see that,being the sun has it’s price. You take life as easy and fast as you give it. You rip yourself out of their life,you move on,keep going and leave them behind,that’s life. When you are everything and gone,people realise that they have nothing left. I brought in the summer,the heat and the light and left a cold dark winter behind. I am the sweet escape.I give the warmth and give the water to cool yourself at the same time. The glory is mine and you are the spectator. I am sorry and I am not.
   That maybe true and I speak from experience,however the sun needs to shine,grow,give it all. It is far too big to be contained.It is it’s own and nobody else’s.I need the energy,I need and want life back as much as I give it. I need to shine and a room to shine in. You cannot bottle the light,you cannot hold me back. As I leave yet another year of my life behind and yet another cold winter,hoping a new innocent lost in it,will survive it,I realise,I do not care if they will. There will always be more,I cannot help it and they can’t be helped. This feeling is everything,I know it,they know it and nothing will stop me from shining.