Pleasure in pain

Pitch black silence.Interrupted by a heartbeat.Slow,steady,persistent.Intruding on the sleep. Restless. Mind wakes. Drifting in and out of consciousness,the decision is made. Another sleepless night. Imagery flashing,pulsing.Bright as the sun,it hurts. You plead for the escape,peace but there is none to be found. It is all being played out,over and over,no escape,no return,cold sweat. The tossing and turning,unease. Make it stop,alas no end. Another night,you see it all once more. Yet again. Darkness is upon the town but it´s fourth of July in your mind. The colours are flashing,faces,memories,pain.Escape,all you pray for but it never ends,so you take pleasure in pain. You welcome the fireworks in the sleepless nights,you learn to live with it. Embrace it,ready for it and take it head on. Bang,bang bang. Faces,colours,voices. Glory of the pain. Nobody to talk to about the new addiction,but they would never understand. The little secret between you and the night. Covenant. Day comes. It´s over now. Another show is done but it will never end. Tonight,we back for more. So good,the pleasure in pain well and truly alive. Now,it is in your boiling blood,pulsating through the body. The show has found a new stage,you. The fireworks moved from the stage onto the city that is you. Welcome. It is grand,a spectacular. It´s odd,it is part of you now and yet something is missing. The flashes,the people. The very things that make a restless night what it is.It is you now,you are the walking performance but the day is nigh and it´s not the same as the night. You accepted the pain as pleasure and now you need more.So you carry your invitation to the private soirre,the mark and the nod. All adoring your body. All see,but you know. It is the little secret of yours. The exclusive club. The reminder of another night coming,the pain,the memories,the you. You are restless and impatient only this time for the show itself. For now,the mark and the nod will do. Only you know.