The murky depths

   Struggling. Slowly descending into the deep, dark water's below. It's as if I'm grabbing for something that is not there,reaching,trying but to no avail. Nothing but emptiness,the vast empty open of the murky underwater.I am being pulled.Lower,deeper,it's getting darker and heavier. I'm grasping for air,trying to breathe but the air is not there.Waves smashing against me.Throwing me back and forth.Struggle.A fight. A violent brawl.It's difficult to stay afloat. I am trying I am fighting but I am being pulled deeper. Energy leaving me.Getting weaker. body is nothing but the stone now.I struggle with the last of my energy..Until..until i give up. No energy left,empty body,a struggle lost and the darkness has won today. My body slowly carried by a wave,pushed and pulled until it is smashed deep in the waters. Water pushes on me harder,drags me down,no energy,no air,just a floating body. A remnant of that what was. A body stripped of what made it me. In the last seconds of my life I see it all. That time I got that bruise on my knee. That time when Mom made me feel better. That time the kids picked on me. The first kiss. The driving lessons. I see it all in a flash,a spark of light. An explosion of memories. The fireworks of me,my life. It felt like a movie and I was the only one there. It felt like it was going on forever. All of the memories,all of my life one moment after the other. Suddenly,a white light. What is this?Is this the one?I think I'm dying.No,not not.I'm not ready.I want to live...

Eyes open. I'm in the deep water.I summon the last energy and swim up. I struggle and push and the outside seems so far off. With the last of my energy I push through out of the water. Air!Deep long breathes.I'm..I'm alive.It's ok.I'm alive...staying afloat i make my way to the coast. I can see from here and even though it's a bit off I take my time and slowly push on forward. As I swim I look back on what has happened just now..Was I dying?Was I about to die?I said no,I refused and no I'm here. Those memories seemed like they lasted forever but it was couple of seconds. What the hell happened. No matter what,I am alive,here,to live another day and make the new memories. The struggle today was won but how soon will I relive my life again.


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